Lipstick and Other Stories Read online

  Dr. Richard said nothing, waiting for me to complete my thoughts.

  “I mean, her family had started to joke with us about when we were getting married! Her friends, my friends…hell my own dog would run to her first before he’d come to me. I felt like…like…she was taking over my life. She didn’t do anything wrong, and I know I should have talked to her but…I didn’t want to go through the whole dramatic breaking up scene, you know?”

  Dr. Richard took a deep breath and finally spoke. “Well…are you having a hard time dealing with the breakup?”

  I took a deep, long breath. The moment of truth had arrived quickly. I figured I’d blurt it out.

  “Since she left….I…can’t get an erection. Well, occasionally I can, but not when I need to, I mean. “

  Dr. Richard blinked. I wondered what he was thinking.

  “I see,” he said in a completely non-judgmental tone. I wondered if they’d taught him that in medical school. “When did you first notice this,” he asked.

  “Well,” I began, sighing. “It wasn’t right away. I mean, I didn’t immediately go out and screw another woman. I did miss her when she was gone. I missed her a lot.”

  “What did you miss about her,” Dr. Richard asked.

  I was silent. Reggie immediately responded to the question, doing his best to answer from where he sat. He started to get hard while I tried not to think about the reason most prominent in my mind at that moment.

  The first time I fucked her, I was amazed at how wet her pussy was. Even after we got together, it was almost always that way. I had never been with a woman who was always ready whenever I touched her, often before I touched her. I thought about how we used to go out on dates, my penis got rock hard the minute we got home, as if it couldn’t wait for the chance to slide up in her, and I’d do just that minutes later. I thought about how I would throw her legs over my shoulders charging into her with wild abandon. She never said no, never turned me down, never was tired or had a headache. She willingly assumed any position I wanted, anytime I wanted. She could not bend over in front of me without my dick making its way to her pussy. She was tight. She was deep too. Whenever she walked past me in my apartment, I would grab her and bend her over any piece of furniture that would support our weight. I would stick my tongue inside her to feel her moisture and heat against my face. Her moans sent me into frenzy when I heard them. She had wonderfully full breasts with nipples that tasted like honey, and was equipped with a perfectly circular ass. I used to jokingly call her half moon ass because it was so perfectly curved. I would marvel at it when I was hitting it from the back. I would spread her cheeks apart, and slap them until my hand stung and she cried out. When she would ride me, I would try to hold back. I always ended up coming long before I wanted to. She’d milk me dry and talk incredibly nasty to me all along. She literally drew it out of me, leaving me limp, drained, and asleep in seconds, snoring happily. And the blowjobs-…damn! My eyes would roll back in my head so hard sometimes they would get stuck for a minute. Her mouth felt like a pussy. She could lick the head of my dick and rub the smooth insides of her mouth against the shaft of my dick and the same time…sucking all the while, never biting me. Not even a nick! Many a time, I had sat next to her on my couch hoping she would take my dick into her mouth and lick my balls. I loved how free she was in bed. She literally had no shame. It was as if she had never been with anyone else but me, as if she somehow made her pussy curve to the very contours of my penis, from the head all the way down the shaft to my balls. I continued to fiend for her long after the novelty of her pussy should have worn off. I managed to hide this from her and she never knew how much I enjoyed her sexually. When she would ask, of course I would tell her I was satisfied, just not how satisfied. All of her was there for me, but not just her body. It was her spirit too, her essence. Good pussy was all well and fine, but this was good pussy combined with something else. She was by no means gorgeous, though she was undeniably sexy. There was something about her. It was something that I couldn’t express, but it definitely had me in its clutches.

  After she was gone, it took me some time to get back into the dating scene. When I finally had the opportunity to sleep with another woman, Reggie maintained his loyalty to Linda and would not fully rise to the occasion. I found everything that this woman tried to do to arouse me irritating. She sucked me wrong, licked me wrong, or didn’t get wet enough. Her body was there, but she had no essence. It pissed me off, and I sent her home. I continued having trouble being intimate with women. They could not please me. I made sure I dated women that were better looking than Linda. It didn’t matter. I didn’t like the way they kissed, or their perfume, or their pussies were too hairy. They couldn’t suck a dick decently, or didn’t want to do this or that, or wanted to turn the lights off to hide their bodies. Linda didn’t have a perfect body by any means. Still she flaunted what she had and I absolutely loved it. Even when the women were acceptable in every way, there was always something they left undone or some fault I managed to find with them and once I did, Reggie simply wouldn’t go along with the program.

  I did manage to have sex with a woman several months later. Barely. I found a woman who greatly resembled Linda—same dark brown curly hair, deep dark eyes, and full, lush, sexy body. Reggie seemed to be fooled for a moment. He got hard as she undressed in front of me. She touched me and I closed my eyes, relieved that I was finally going to get properly laid. When we were in bed at last, I ran my tongue across her swollen nipples and as her back arched upwards I slid her panties down as her hips were in the air. I sighed deeply and began to make my way inside her. She lay perfectly still. Absolutely still. She did not participate in any way. I did at least manage to stay hard and come. I thought about Linda the whole 45 seconds it took. I didn’t know which was worse—not being able to get hard at times or coming so damn quickly when I did.

  I realized I hadn’t answered Dr. Richard. I was hoping he hadn’t noticed my aroused state. I mumbled something about her being a good friend, very supportive, kind and loving, which was all true. Linda was more than a good sex partner; she was a good person. She was smart, funny, sweet. She made me feel like I could do anything I wanted to. I could be silly with her. I was safe with her. Everything I had was safe there too…even my thoughts and tears. She made me glad to be a man.

  Dr. Richard asked me, “Do you miss her physically? Was your sex life satisfactory?”

  Reggie all but jumped out of my underwear. I took in a sharp breath and as a reflex reached for my groin.

  “Ummmm…yeah,” I said.

  Dr. Richard looked at me for a long quiet moment. It was almost as if he was looking through me. I sat still as Reggie continued to fight for his freedom. By this time, I was thinking about the time when Linda walked into my bedroom in her black thong and turned around to bend over near my bed. I thrust my tongue between her ass cheeks as she bent over and finally buried it deep in her box, which was wet as usual. She cried out and stood, opening her legs, reaching down to pull my face into her. I slung her onto the bed and worked my hard dick into her tight ass, rubbing her pussy with my hand and using the wetness from it to moisten her wonderfully snug asshole. Once I was in, I reached around to grab her titties, squeezing her nipples hard. Why did she feel so good? We both came instantly, crying out at the same time. My downstairs neighbor pounded on his ceiling to get us to be quiet, and we laughed.

  I was frozen. I could not move. I sat there, not even blinking.

  Suddenly Dr. Richard got up. “I’ll be right back,” he said. He took long strides from around his desk and left the office.

  He came back a few minutes later, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. He grabbed his jacket from a hook near his desk, putting some papers into a briefcase. He stood up, and I stood up also, trying to adjust Reggie without seeming obvious.

  “Look man,” Dr. Richard said, the professionalism gone, “What I need to do to help you, we can’t do here.”

  I nodded. “
So where are we going, Dr. Richard?”

  He shook his head. “For the next hour and a half, it’s Richard and I’m going to call you Miles. We’re going to the bar downstairs to shoot some pool and talk. You shoot pool?”

  I nodded again.

  “We’re gonna talk. Man to man.”

  We both left his office.

  I pressed the elevator button that said “Down”. Down. A word I was becoming too familiar with these days.

  *

  We rode from the fifth to the first floor. We walked across the lobby to the lounge, went inside, walked up to the bar and sat down.

  The bartender came straight over. “The usual doc?,” he asked.

  “Make it two,” Richard responded, motioning towards me. Then turning towards me he said, “Imma get us a pool table.”

  For the next half hour, we drank two beers each and began working on our third round. We shot two mediocre games of pool. We joked, laughed and relaxed in the bar. As I began to rack the balls up for game three, I looked over at him and began to chuckle.

  “What’s up?” Richard asked as he drained the last of his third Corona and wiped the lips with the back of his hand.

  I placed the triangle over the balls. “Doc, tell the truth. I can take it.” I carefully eased the triangle up and hung it on the wall.

  “What truth is that Miles?” he asked. He strolled back over to me as I picked up my pool stick. Grabbing hold of the chalk, I rubbed it against the tip of the stick and lowered my voice. “I’m pussy whipped…ain’t I doc?”

  Richard motioned to me for me to take the first shot. I’d lost both games so far, but he let me go first anyway. I bent over the table and took the first shot. Lousy. I stood up and stepped back.

  “What does that mean exactly,” Richard asked.

  I looked at him as if to say ‘come on man’.

  “Let me re-phrase that. What does it mean to you?”

  “It means what it means doc. That I’m so into how good the sex is with this woman that its like I can’t function without her. I definitely can’t enjoy sex with anyone else. Shoot, I’m so whipped my dick will barely get hard for someone else.”

  “Do you think you are?” Richard asked, bending over the table.

  “Yeah man,” I replied. “I know I am. Much as I hate to admit it. Much as I swore this would never happen to me. I mean other men, maybe…but not The Kid. Not me.” I pounded my chest with my open palm. “I mean shit, the reason I was trying to get outta this was that I wasn’t trying to get hung up into being all caught up with one woman again in that serious kind of way. There are all kinds of fish in the sea, know what I’m saying doc?”

  Richard sank his ball and walked around the table, looking for his next shot. “So, what do you think of the fish you’ve caught since Linda left?”

  I didn’t really want to think about that.

  Richard positioned himself for his next shot. “Don’t answer that man,” he said. “It’s not really a fair question.” He called the shot, and landed it solidly with a loud clack. He stood up and looked at me.

  “Did you think about the fact that you wouldn’t be sleeping with her anymore once you broke up? Is that the main reason you’re upset?”

  “You know what doc? That’s just the thing. It wasn’t only about the sex. I mean the sex was great. Really great. Really, really, great. I wasn’t thinking about that at all when I started acting distant. I didn’t want her running my life. Not that she was running my life…”

  “Were you giving up a lot to be with her?” the doctor asked me. “Did she resent time you spent away from her, with your friends? Did she expect the two of you to spend all your spare time together, joined at the hip? Possessiveness is a legitimate complaint.”

  “No doc, she wasn’t like that. She’s the only woman I’ve ever met who wasn’t like that. I mean all my boys thought she was really cool. She even liked sports. Well, some sports anyway.”

  Richard was about to take his next shot. I had a sick feeling he was going to run the table on me.

  “Hmmmm…okay. You were seeing a woman. You liked her. She liked you. You’ve been together awhile and were pretty happy. The sex was great. And….you distanced yourself from her and she left.”

  He looked up at me and I didn’t say a word.

  “I mean, things weren’t perfect,” I stuttered. “I just…wasn’t ready to go where this was going. And I knew she was gonna bitch, so….”

  “Where was it gonna go?”

  “I mean…serious commitment. Marriage maybe?”

  “Had she mentioned marriage?”

  “No.”

  “But…you knew it was out there.”

  “It was in the air, put it that way.”

  He made the next two shots easily.

  “So, you checked out on her not to get caught up, only to find out you were caught up in the way men fear the most, huh?”

  I looked at him woefully. “Yeah, basically. What do I do now? I’m fucking pussy-whipped and can’t enjoy sex with any other woman. What do I do? I can’t believe this shit!”

  The doctor made his last shot, and stood up. “I don’t think you’re whipped man,” he said.

  I looked into his eyes as he continued.

  “I’ll tell you what I do think you are. I think you’re in love. Maybe for the first time in your life.”

  I shook my head. “I have been married before doc. And I did love my wife.”

  “I’m not saying you didn’t,” Richard responded. “But I think that, maybe for the first time in your adult life, you’re experiencing a more mature love, a more complete love, and a love that is touching on every aspect of your life. Even your sex life.”

  I was silent.

  “How was the sex with your wife?” Dr. Richard asked.

  I thought back to it. It wasn’t easy, because it was so long ago. A lifetime ago. I was a different man then, with different expectations. I mean, there was nothing wrong with the sex life I shared with my ex wife. There was plenty of it. We fucked a lot, my wife and I. She was usually willing, even if she wasn’t enthusiastic. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at the time. It was satisfactory. I didn’t stray while we were married, even when we stopped having sex. However, after having been with Linda, somehow the sex life I’d had with my wife seemed…lackluster. It didn’t have the same…intensity and heat. Linda was different.

  “It’s different with Linda,” I said weakly.

  “Maybe that difference is love,” Dr. Richard said. He stepped closer to me and put his arm around me in a fatherly way. He even looked like my dad for a moment.

  “Look,” he began. “There is nothing wrong with loving a woman completely. Even down to the sex. Nothing at all. If it’s the right woman, and she feels the same for you, you’re extremely fortunate. I know it ain’t always easy feeling that way about a woman, especially when you’re history with women isn’t good. Every individual has his or her own issues or concerns. Fear of making another mistake, after making a big mistake, is a natural thing.”

  I continued to be silent.

  “Being sexually attracted to a woman you love is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world. The pleasure you get from looking at her…thinking about her…the way you can feel her when she’s gone…combine that with feeling her in your heart too…that’s powerful. That’s mind blowing. That’s love. So here’s my advice to you. Don’t be scared of how you feel for her. It’s what makes a man strong and able to move mountains. Don’t you know that a good woman who loves you will do anything in the world for you, if you let her know you love her and you value her? I learned a long time ago in my practice, most of what good women really want from their men is to feel valued and needed. Not be taken for granted. You do that, and you’re well on your way to happiness. Don’t worry that she’s going to some how rob you of your manhood. If anything, she’ll enhance it.”

  I was still silent.

  “Did it ever occur to you she mig
ht feel the same way about you?” the doctor added.

  I had never thought about it like that, about how she might feel about me sexually. Maybe I was spending too much time thinking of myself, and not enough time about her…about us. I began to think about how often she woke me up by straddling me and rubbing my dick against her clit. I thought about the Blockbuster nights when the TV ended up watching us instead of the other way around. Now that I thought about it, it did seem like she couldn’t get enough of me, like I couldn’t get enough of her. Maybe I wasn’t in this alone. I looked at the doctor and he nodded as if to confirm what I was thinking.

  “Now go get your woman,” he said. He removed his arm from my shoulder and shook my hand. “And remember…there’s nothing wrong with being whipped…long as she’s whipped along with you.” He laughed at his own joke.

  *

  “Miles,” Linda said. “Baby…. honey…what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  I heard Linda’s voice slip into my sub-consciousness, trying to pull me back to an awake state. I sat straight up in the bed, and wiped the perspiration from my brow. I looked at her.

  “Miles, honey, you’ve been tossing and turning for a couple of minutes now. Are you okay?”

  She wasn’t gone. Thank God, she wasn’t gone. My dick got hard, instantly, totally, painfully hard. I gazed at her hair. At her forehead. Into her eyes. I was lost for a moment in them. I stared at her neck and shoulders, at her smooth soft skin, at her arms. My eyes slid down her body to her midsection. The rest of her disappeared under the bed sheet, hidden from my view. I looked at her beautiful lips, and leaning over her, I began to kiss them. I lapped at them, experiencing the fullness. I traced the edges of her lips with the tip of my tongue once, and then again. I touched her cheek with my hand as I ran my tongue across her lips. She began to kiss me back, just as passionately, feeling the contours of my mouth with her tongue. I slid my tongue down her face to her neck, nuzzling it with my lips. I tasted her sweat, and felt the warmth rise up from there. I continued to play with her amazing breasts with one hand and reached down with the other to my special place. Our special place. The special place that she allowed me into because of who I was, and what I meant to her. As usual, she was dripping wet. As much as I wanted to take her immediately, I held it back. I licked and nibbled her neck, pushing her down to the bed. I moved my tongue to her nipples, and in no time, they’d become hard. She began moaning and writhing on the bed as I bit and nibbled them. A pool of moisture formed in her navel, and I slid my tongue down her midsection, wiping the sweat from her abdomen with my mouth. I stretched out beside her body with my head facing her feet, kissing her navel and as I did, felt her mouth envelope my penis with a slurping sound. I closed my eyes as the feeling washed over me. The best head I’d ever gotten, and I had been in the military and around the world twice. Moving me in and out of her mouth a few times, she began sucking my balls, first one and then the other. I called out “oh shit, ” as a pure reflex, and bent my head to return the favor, eating her pussy like a starving man sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, as she turned my dick into the ultimate all night sucker.